Why did God even create men?
Because He couldn’t figure out how to make a vibrator that would mow the lawn.
A man's walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows.
"Twenty bucks," she says.
He's never been with a hooker before, but he decides what the hell. They're going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them... it's a police officer.
"What's going on here, people?" asks the officer.
"I'm making love to my wife," the man answers indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry," says the cop, "I didn't know."
"Well," said the man, "neither did I until you shined that light in her face."
boy: spell "me"
girl: M-E
boy: but you forgot the D
girl: there's no D in me
boy: not yet;)
What do you call a whore with a runny nose?
Full.
How many Freudian analysts does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, one to change the bulb and one to hold the penis, I mean ladder.
What do you call the useless piece of skin on the end of a man’s penis?
His body.
What should you do if you girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow down and use a lubricant.
What’s the difference between love, true love
and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing and gargling
What’s the similarity between getting a blow job from an eighty year-old and walking the tightrope?
In both cases you really don’t want to look down…
What’s the best thing about a blow job?
Five minutes of peace and quiet.
Why are electric trains like a mother’s breasts?
They were both designed for the kids, but it’s the fathers who are always playing with them.
- You are so kind, funny and beautiful.
- Oh come on. You just want to get me to bed.
- And smart, too!
There was this old woman who heard a song called "Two Lips and Seven Kisses."
She called up information after hearing the song on the radio to get the name of the record company.
In dialing, she erroneously called up a gas station, and she asks, "Do you have "Two Lips and Seven Kisses?"
The gas station attendant who answered the phone said, "No, but I have two nuts and seven inches!"
So the woman asked, "Is this a record?"
To which the man replied, "No, its average!"
- What do Disney World & Viagra have in common?
- They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride.
Little Johnny and a little girl are playing. Little Johnny pulls down his shorts and says, "I have one of these and you don't."
The little girl starts crying and crying and runs home to her mother.
The next day Little Johnny and the girl are playing together again.
Once again Little Johnny points to his private parts and says, "I have one of these and you don't."
But this time the little girl just keeps on playing.
"How come you're not crying today," asks Little Johnny.
"My mother told me," says the little girl, pulling up her dress, "that with one of these, I can get as many of those as I want."
A guy is driving his car and finds a friend crying, sitting on the road.
He stops.
And he asks him:
- Hey, What happens to you?
- (crying) Look! and he points a crashed car.
- Well, don't care and buy another car.
- Look inside the car!
- Well, don't care and get another blonde, and that's all.
- Look inside her mouth!!!