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You have to excuse me, I suffer from emotional constipation. I really can't give a shit.




Quote about phone
The only scenario where you really need a land line today is when you're trying to find your smartphone.

Quote about cat
You can train a cat to do anything the cat wants to do at the moment it wants to do it.

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Cat
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Quote about people
It is a fact of nature that light arrives faster than sound. Which is why some people can appear quite bright, until they speak.

Quote about interrupt
I'm very sorry to interrupt you, but you must have mistaken me for somebody who's interested.





Quote about optimist
A true optimist is the guy who falls off a skyscraper and after 50 floors thinks to himself - well, so far so good!







Quote about money
Yes, money cannot buy you happiness, but I'd still feel a lot more comfortable crying in a new BMW than on a bike.


Quote about doctor
Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is.

Quote about experience
Good judgment comes from experience, and experience ... well, that comes from poor judgment.




Quote cynical
I wish I could see things from your point of view, unfortunately I can't stick my head that far up my ass.

Quote about russia
I'm really starting to hate these stupid little Russian Dolls. They're so full of themselves.



Quote about love
She was hungry for love and didn't know where her next male was coming from.




Quote about drunk
I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.


Quote about sex
Sex is like a motor racing - the most important thing is not to save money for best quality rubber.

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Sex
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Quote wordplay
All is a shitting, except the pissing, but the pissing becomes a shitting if you piss against the wind.







Quote about children
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

Quote about wisdom
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.




Quote about hurt
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

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