Jokes

-Name?
-Abu Dalah Sarafi.
-Sex?
-Four times a week.
-No, no, no..... male or female?
-Male, female...... sometimes camel.......

TEACHER: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your son.
FATHER: What's that?
TEACHER: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.

Do you remember when I asked you to give me your opinion? That's right, me neither.

Always be yourself. Unless you can also be a unicorn. In that case, always be a unicorn.

Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

A priest is walking to his church when he passes a group of prostitutes.
One of them yells out “$20 for a blowjob, Father!” The priest puts his head down and speed walks the rest of the way. When he arrives at the church he nervously approaches one of the nuns and asks her “Sister, what’s a blowjob?” She tells him “$20, Same as downtown”

At last.......I have managed to find my wife's 'G' spot....
....who would have thought her sister had it the whole time

My sister asked for me to bring her something hard to write on
I don't know why she became so mad. It's pretty f:::cking hard to write on sand.

What is the similarity between a bar and a bra ?
They both drive men crazy when they open.

I‘ve been trying to open the bra of my girlfriend for 20 minutes now...
I wish I had never put it on.

If you have been struck by a headache, follow the instructions on the aspirin bottle:
KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN.

Dental-Chair Revelation: Once you have your mouth open, dentists lose the ability to ask questions with a simple yes or no answer.

One day, Little Johnny's grandmother sent him to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner.
As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him.
He dropped the bucket and ran back to grandma's house as fast as he could.
"Where's my bucket and my water?" She asked.
"I can't get any water from that water hole, there's a mean ol' alligator down there!"
"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny.
He's been there for years, and he's never hurt no one.
Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"
"Well, Grandma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"

Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
A. They're married.

Teacher: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
Donald: H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O.
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Donald: Yesterday you said it was H to O.

Teacher: "Johnny, what is the outside of a tree called?"
Johnny: "I don't know."
Teacher: "Bark, Johnny, bark."
Johnny: "Bow, wow, wow!"

Johnny: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Johnny: Good, because I didn't do my homework.

Teacher: "Name five things that contain milk."
Pupil: "Butter, cheese, ice cream... and two cows."

Teacher: Give me an example of animal.
Jimmy: Frog
Teacher: Give me another.
Jimmy: Another Frog.

Teacher: "Alex, stop showing off. Do you think you are the teacher of this class?"
Alex: "No, Miss."
Teacher: "Then stop acting like a fool!"

Little Johnny's teacher said,
"Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's."
Did you copy hers?, she asked.
Johnny replied, "No, teacher, it's the same dog!"

Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, “Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?” Sarah waves her hand, “Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!” Miss Rogers says, “All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?” Sarah says, “Mas-tur-bate.” Miss Rogers smiles and says, “Wow, Sarah, that’s a mouthful.” Sarah says, “No, Miss Rogers, you’re thinking of a blowjob.”

At School, the teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, "I am going to eat that pussy once Jimmy leaves for school today!"

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

In an elementary school, the teacher gives school work to the class. Everybody writes except little John. The teacher asks him:
- John, why aren’t you writing?
- I’m exhausted because of sex.
- That should not be a problem, write with your left hand.

Teacher : whoever answers my next question, can go home. One boy throws his bag out the window Teacher : who just threw that?! Boy : Me! I’m going home now.

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter.
After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."

The teacher brings a statue of Venus into class and asks, "What do you like best about it, class? Let's start with you, Robert."
"The artwork," says Robert.
"Very good. And you, Peter?"
"Her tits!" says Peter.
"Peter, get out! Go stand in the hall," responds the teacher with disgust. "And you, Johnny?"
"I'm leaving, teacher, I'm leaving..."

Teacher: Johnny, you know you can't sleep in my class.
Johnny: I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.

Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher? There was no
chemistry.

I’ve received hundred of responses to my ad seeking a husband, and they all say the exact same thing:
"Take mine, please."

What does one lesbian vampire say to the other?
Same time next month?

Why did God even create men?
Because He couldn’t figure out how to make a vibrator that would mow the lawn.

Why did God make Adam before Eve?
Everyone needs a rough draft before they make the final copy.

The last thing I want to do is to hurt you.
But we'll get there eventually, once I've gone through the entire list.

Of course you're not stupid.
You just have bad luck when you think.