Wife jokes

What’s the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

A wife is like a hand grenade. Take off the ring and say good bye to your house.

- How do you make your wife scream while having sex?
- Call her and tell her.

My wife treats me like a God - every evening at dinner I get a burnt offering.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.

At last.......I have managed to find my wife's 'G' spot....
....who would have thought her sister had it the whole time

- How can you tell if your wife is dead?
- The sex will be the same but the dishes will pile up.

Good: Your wife doesn't talk to you.
Bad: She wants divorce.
Very bad: She is a lawyer.