Vulgar jokes

Two women are digging in the garden.
One pulls out a foot-long carrot.
She says, "This one

Two sperm are in the body looking for the egg when one of them starts to wonder why it is taking so long.

An old couple celebrates their 50th wedding anniversary in their home.
"Just think," the old man says, "we were sitting here at this same breakfast table, naked as jaybirds, 50 years ago."
"Well," the old lady snickers, "what do you say, should we get naked?"
The two immediately strip

What did the vagina say to the

A husband and wife are having financial troubles.
They agree she should walk the streets to pick up some extra cash.
The husband drops his wife off in the red light

Boy - "dear Santa, for Christmas, I would like

A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door.
She goes to the door opens it and sees a man standing there.
He asks the lady, "Do you have a Vagina?"
She slams the door in disgust.
The next morning she hears a knock at the door, its the same man and he asks the same question to the woman, "Do you have a Vagina?"
She slams the door again.
Later that night when her husband gets home she tell him what has happened for the last two days.
The husband tells his wife in a loving and concerned voice, "Honey, I am taking an off tomorrow so as to be home, just

A college math professor and his wife are both 60 years old.
One evening the wife comes home and finds a note from her husband.
It says: "My dear, now that you are 60 years old, there are some things you no longer do for me. I am at the Holiday Inn with my 20-year-old student. Don't bother waiting up for me."
He returns home late that night

Little Red Riding Hood walks through the forest and sees a wolf hunched under a tree with its ears erect and its mouth stretched in a big grimace.
She says to the wolf, "My, what big ears you have!"
The wolf

There were these two guys working late in a morgue, when one guy said, "Hey man there is a woman in there with a shrimp in her vagina!"
The other asked, "What is a shrimp doing a dead woman's vagina? Let me go

"Mommie, Mommie....did you know that nurses can come apart..?"
"Well...no. What makes you say that..?"
"Because

Two eggs boiling in a pan.
One says, "I've got a huge

At last.......I have managed to find my wife's 'G' spot....
....who

A priest is walking to his church when he passes a group of prostitutes.
One of them yells out “$20 for a blowjob, Father!” The priest puts his head down and speed

During sex, I suddenly stopped and didn't move. She was like, "What are you

A guy is late to meet with his friends at the local bar the friends obviously ask why he is late and he responds:
"Wow, you won't believe what just happened. So I take the usual route via the rail tracks and suddenly I see a young, naked woman tied up next

- What is the difference between like

Robinson came home in great excitement and said to his wife, "You'll never believe it, dear, but I've discovered an entirely new position for lovemaking."
"Really," said Mrs. Robinson,

A man, his wife and a good-looking stranger are stranded on a desert island.
The wife quickly loses interest in her husband and begins flirting with the good-looking stranger.
The three start to build a watchtower.
The stranger offers to take first watch.
While the husband and wife gather driftwood on the sand, the stranger yells, "Hey! No sex on the beach! Get back to work!"
The

Why do Jews watch porn backwards?
Because their favorite