Off-color jokes

Q: What's the difference between a divorce and a circumcision?
A

What is the difference between a chicken and a prostitute?

-Why shouldn't girls wear skirts in winter?

The Unfortunate Penis:
- You've got a hole in your head.
- You always hang around with two nuts.
- Your closest

- What do parsley and pubic hair have in common?

What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and

Man comes home to find his 17 yr old daughter with a dildo up her.
"What are you doing," he shouts.
"Well you won't let me have a boyfriend so this is my substitute," she explains.
The

Peter: "Your secretary is very sexy..."
Tony: "Thanks! It's a robot actually, named 'Maria'. If you squeeze her right boob, she takes dictation and if you squeeze her left boob, she types letters!

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"
The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with beautiful man for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with beautiful man for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with beautiful man for a million
dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."
So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with beautiful man for a million dollars?"
The mother replied, "Of course, I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great

A little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents room.
Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noises and when I look in your bedroom you're bouncing up and down on him."
His mom

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students.
Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "George, why has your school work been so poor lately?"
"I'm in love," the boy replied.
Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With

Q: What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A

A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help.
"If I were

- How is a pussy like a grapefruit?
-

Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, “Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?” Sarah waves her hand, “Me, Miss Rogers, me,

- Babe is it in?
- Yea!
- Does it hurt?
- Uh huh.
- Let

At School, the teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I

There is a cucumber, a pickle, and a penis. They are complaining about their lives. The cucumber says, "My life sucks. I’m put in salads, and to top it off, they put ranch on me as well. My life sucks." The pickle says, "That’s nothing compared to my life. I’m put in

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so