Blonde humor

A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour.
So, when would you like to start?"
"In three months."

- What do you call a blonde in an institute of higher learning?
- A visitor.

Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
Because she was trying to make up her mind.

One day 2 blondes decided to drive to Disney Land.
When they saw a sign that said 'Disney Land left' they turned around and went home.

-Why did the blonde get so excited when she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
-Because on the box it said "From 2-4 years."

A blonde biology student conducts an experiment on grasshoppers.
She pulls off one of its legs at a time and yells, "Hop."
The grasshopper hops each time until all of its legs are gone.
The blonde concludes: when all the legs of a grasshopper are removed, it becomes deaf.

So I asked a blonde, "Which is closer, Florida or the Sun?"
She said, "The Sun, because I can look up and see it.

She is so blonde, she studied for a blood test.

Two blondes realize that their apartment is on fire and go out onto the balcony.
"Help, help!" yells one of the blondes.
"Help us, help us!" yells the other.
"Maybe it would help if we yelled together," said the first blonde.
"Good idea," said the other.
"Together, together!"

-Why can't a blonde dial 911?
-She can't find the eleven.

A blonde walks in the ice cream parlor and orders a chocolate ice cream cone.
The clerk tells her that he has no chocolate ice cream, only vanilla and strawberry.
The blonde then orders a pint of chocolate ice cream.
The clerk once again tells her he has no chocolate ice cream, just vanilla and strawberry.
The blonde then orders a quart of chocolate ice cream.
The clerk once again tells her he has no chocolate ice cream, only vanilla and strawberry.
The blonde then orders a half gallon of chocolate ice cream.
The clerk then asks her how she spells van as in vanilla.
She says, V-A-N.
He then asks her how she spells straw as in strawberry.
She says, S-T-R-A-W
He then asks her how she spells f:::ck as in chocolate.
After a while she says there is no f:::ck in chocolate.
THATS WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU

Q: What goes vroom, screech, vroom, screech, vroom, screech?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Once a blonde went to the library to get a book.
A few days later, she returns and says to librarian at the counter, "This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so i would like to return it."
The librarian says to the other librarian, "So here is the person who took our phone book!"

I offered a blonde a penny for her thoughts... she gave me change!

What does a blonde see when she looks into a box of cheerios? Donut Seeds.

What are the six worst years in a blonde's life?
Third grade.

Why are blondes only allowed a thirty-minute lunch break?
If they took an hour it would take too long to retrain them.

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are in the ninth grade; which one is the sexiest?
The blonde, because she is the only one that's 18.

How do you sink a submarine full of blondes?
Knock on the door.

-Why were there bullet holes in the mirror?
-A blonde tried killing herself.

Q: Why couldn't the blonde add 10 + 5 on a calculator?
A: She couldn't find the "10" button.

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?"
The nympho says, "Are you done already?"
The blonde says, "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige

-Why don't blondes eat pickles?
-They can't get their heads in the jars.

A guy is screwing a great looking blonde. The girl asks, "You haven't got AIDS have you?" He replies, "No." She responds, "Oh, thank heavens for that!! I don't want to get that again...!"