Quotes

You may think the grass is greener on the other side, but it's possibly because there's more manure there!

Television is a medium - anything well done is rare.

I'm really good at stuff until somebody watches me do that stuff.

You have to excuse me, I suffer from emotional constipation. I really can't give a shit.

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it naked or homeless?

My middle finger salutes you!

A bag of money can be a symbol not only of wealth, but also of tremendous inflation.

The only scenario where you really need a land line today is when you're trying to find your smartphone.

You can train a cat to do anything the cat wants to do at the moment it wants to do it.

It is a fact of nature that light arrives faster than sound. Which is why some people can appear quite bright, until they speak.

I'm very sorry to interrupt you, but you must have mistaken me for somebody who's interested.

It is what's inside that matters - the fridge is a perfect example.

They say money doesn't grow on trees, but why do banks have branches then?

I'm not lazy. I'm just highly motivated to do nothing.

There is no lousy weather, only lousy choice of clothing.

A true optimist is the guy who falls off a skyscraper and after 50 floors thinks to himself - well, so far so good!

A truth of life: Only ever trust your own butt to always stand behind you!

Too long speeches lead to no actions.

If love is blind, then marriage is its spectacles.

Stupidity knows no boundaries, but it knows a lot of people.

A lot of people are only alive today because the law makes it impossible to shoot them.

Never drive faster than a guardian angel can fly.

Yes, money cannot buy you happiness, but I'd still feel a lot more comfortable crying
in a new BMW than on a bike.

The more people I meet, the more I like my cat.

Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is.