How many Freudian analysts does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, one to change the bulb and one to hold the penis, I mean ladder.
What do you call the useless piece of skin on the end of a man’s penis?
His body.
There is a cucumber, a pickle, and a penis. They are complaining about their lives. The cucumber says, "My life sucks. I’m put in salads, and to top it off, they put ranch on me as well. My life sucks." The pickle says, "That’s nothing compared to my life. I’m put in vinegar and stored away. Boy my life boring. I hate life." The penis says, "Why are you guys complaining? My life is so messed up that I feel like shooting myself. They put me in a plastic bag, put me in a cave, and make me do push-ups until I throw up."
-What did the penis say to the condom?
-"Cover me. I'm going in."