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Vulgar jokes


Jokes : 108 
  Letter : V 

A-Z Index  
  Jokes by category


Description: Jokes vulgar off-color and dirty






Joke about divorce vulgar


Q: What's the difference between a divorce and a circumcision?
A: In a divorce, you get rid of the whole schmuck.


 Categories :   Divorce Vulgar


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Joke about prostitute, chicken vulgar


What is the difference between a chicken and a prostitute?
Chicken goes cockadoodle do
Prostitute goes any cock will do.


 Categories :   Prostitute Chicken Vulgar


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Joke about clothes, girls, winter vulgar


-Why shouldn't girls wear skirts in winter?
-Because their lips will get chapped!


 Categories :   Clothes Girls Winter Vulgar


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Joke about penis vulgar


The Unfortunate Penis:
- You've got a hole in your head.
- You always hang around with two nuts.
- Your closest neighbor is an ass hole.
- Your best friend is a pussy.
- Every time you get excited, you throw up.


 Categories :   Penis Vulgar


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Joke vulgar


- What do parsley and pubic hair have in common?
- You push them both aside when you eat.


 Categories :   Vulgar


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Joke vulgar


What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.


 Categories :   Vulgar


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Joke about dildo, daughter vulgar


Man comes home to find his 17 yr old daughter with a dildo up her.
"What are you doing," he shouts.
"Well you won't let me have a boyfriend so this is my substitute," she explains.
The next night the daughter comes home to find her dad with a dildo on the kitchen table
drinking a can of beer, "What are you doing," she shouts.
He replays, "Having a beer with your boyfriend."


 Categories :   Dildo Daughter Vulgar


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Joke about secretary vulgar


Peter: "Your secretary is very sexy..."
Tony: "Thanks! It's a robot actually, named 'Maria'. If you squeeze her right boob, she takes dictation and if you squeeze her left boob, she types letters! I'll Lend it to you for a day and you can see her functions..."
Next day Peter called Tony from hospital & shouted: "You bastard!"
You didn't tell me that the "HOLE" between Maria's legs is a pencil sharpener.


 Categories :   Secretary Vulgar


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Joke vulgar


A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"
The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with beautiful man for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with beautiful man for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with beautiful man for a million
dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."
So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with beautiful man for a million dollars?"
The mother replied, "Of course, I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great university!"
The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with beautiful man for a million dollars?"
The girl replied, "Oh, good heavens! I would sleep with him in a heartbeat. Are you nuts?"
The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with beautiful man for a million dollars?"
"Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?"
The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.
His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"
The boy replied, "Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on three million dollars, but 'realistically', we're living with two hookers and a future congressman."


 Categories :   Vulgar


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Joke about children vulgar


A little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents room.
Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noises and when I look in your bedroom you're bouncing up and down on him."
His mom is taken by surprise and says, "Oh.. well.. ah.. well, I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again."
And the boy says, "Well, that won't work!"
His mom says, "Why?"
And the boy replies, "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up."


 Categories :   Children Vulgar


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Joke about school vulgar


The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students.
Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "George, why has your school work been so poor lately?"
"I'm in love," the boy replied.
Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"
"With you," he said.
"But George," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."
"Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a rubber."


 Categories :   School Vulgar


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Joke about prostitute, drugs vulgar


Q: What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.


 Categories :   Prostitute Drugs Vulgar


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Joke about secretary, vulgar wordplay


A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help.
"If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her.
The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings."


 Categories :   Secretary Vulgar Wordplay


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Joke about vagina vulgar


- How is a pussy like a grapefruit?
- The best ones squirt when you eat them.


 Categories :   Vagina Vulgar


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Joke about school, teacher vulgar


Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, “Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?” Sarah waves her hand, “Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!” Miss Rogers says, “All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?” Sarah says, “Mas-tur-bate.” Miss Rogers smiles and says, “Wow, Sarah, that’s a mouthful.” Sarah says, “No, Miss Rogers, you’re thinking of a blowjob.”


 Categories :   School Teacher Vulgar


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Joke about shoe vulgar


- Babe is it in?
- Yea!
- Does it hurt?
- Uh huh.
- Let me put it in slowly.
- It still hurts.
- Okay, let’s try another shoe size.


 Categories :   Shoe Vulgar


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Joke about cat, vagina, teacher vulgar


At School, the teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, "I am going to eat that pussy once Jimmy leaves for school today!"


 Categories :   Cat Vagina Teacher Vulgar


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Joke about penis vulgar


There is a cucumber, a pickle, and a penis. They are complaining about their lives. The cucumber says, "My life sucks. I’m put in salads, and to top it off, they put ranch on me as well. My life sucks." The pickle says, "That’s nothing compared to my life. I’m put in vinegar and stored away. Boy my life boring. I hate life." The penis says, "Why are you guys complaining? My life is so messed up that I feel like shooting myself. They put me in a plastic bag, put me in a cave, and make me do push-ups until I throw up."


 Categories :   Penis Vulgar


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Joke vulgar


A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”


 Categories :   Vulgar


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Joke vulgar


A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”


 Categories :   Vulgar


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