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Jokes


Jokes : 485 

A-Z Index  
  Jokes by category




Joke about car


- You know how it is in life. One door closes - that means another door opens...
- Yeah, very nice, but you either fix that or I'm expecting a serious discount on that car!


 Categories :   Car





Joke about husband, wife


A wife complains to her husband: "Just look at that couple down the road, how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her, why can't you do the same?"
The husband: "Are you mad? I barely know that woman!"


 Categories :   Husband and wife





Joke about children


Me and my wife decided that we don't want to have children anymore. So anybody who wants one can leave us their phone number and address and we will bring you one.


 Categories :   Children





Joke about boomerang


In a boomerang shop: "I'd like to buy a new boomerang please. Also, can you tell me how to throw the old one away?"


 Categories :   Boomerang





Joke about doctor black


Patient: Oh doctor, I'm just so nervous. This is my first surgery operation.
Doctor: Don't worry. Mine too.


 Categories :   Doctor Black





Joke about doctor


Mr. Smith: "Doctor, you remember this strengthening solution you prescribed
me yesterday?"
Doctor: "Yes, what's the matter?"
Mr. Smith: "I would like to use it but I can't open the bottle!"


 Categories :   Doctor





Joke wordplay


I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent.
So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?"
One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, dumbo!"
So I corrected myself, "Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?"
That's about as far as I remember.


 Categories :   Wordplay





Joke about naked, bank robber short


A naked women robbed a bank. Nobody could remember her face.


 Categories :   Naked Bank Robber Short





Joke about soccer and women


- Why is women's soccer so rare?
- It's quite hard to find enough women willing to wear the same outfit.


 Categories :   Soccer Women





Joke about girlfriend and baby


So much has changed since my girlfriend told me we're having a baby. For instance my name, address and telephone number!


 Categories :   Girlfriend Baby





Joke about women, men vulgar


- You are so kind, funny and beautiful.
- Oh come on. You just want to get me to bed.
- And smart, too!


 Categories :   Women and Men Vulgar





Joke about political


-What do politicians and diapers have in common?
- Both should be changed regularly, and both for the same reason.


 Categories :   Political





Joke about parrot


I'm selling my talking parrot. Why? Because yesterday, the bastard tried to sell me.


 Categories :   Parrot





Joke about husband, wife


A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. "Och, I look like a pig!"
The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"


 Categories :   Husband and wife





Joke about stairs short


- What goes up and down but never moves?
- The stairs!


 Categories :   Stairs Short





Joke about little johnny


Little Johnny asks his father:
- Where does the wind come from?
- I don't know.
- Why do dogs bark?
- I don't know.
- Why is the earth round?
- I don't know.
- Does it disturb you that I ask so much?
- No son. Please ask. Otherwise you will never learn anything.


 Categories :   Little Johnny





Joke about genies


Three guys are stranded in a desert. By a stroke of luck, they find a magic genie lamp.
The genie grants each of them one wish.
The first guy wishes to be back home. Wish granted.
The second guy wishes the same. Wish granted.
The third guy says, "It feels very lonely here now, I wish my friends were with me..." Wish granted.


 Categories :   Genies





Joke about cinema


They threw me out of the cinema today for bringing my own food. But come
on - the prices are way too high, plus I haven't had a barbecue in months.


 Categories :   Cinema





Joke about hunting black


Two guys are out hunting in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't appear to be breathing, his eyes are glazed over. The other man pulls out his phone with trembling fingers and calls 911. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says "Please stay calm. I will help you.
First of all, let's make sure he's dead."
There's a silence, then a gun shot. The guy gets back on the phone and says "OK, now what?"


 Categories :   Hunting Black





Joke about office and food


We have a strange custom in our office. The food has names there. Yesterday for example I got me a sandwich out of the fridge and its name was "Michael".


 Categories :   Office Food





Joke about lie


Father buys a lie detector that makes a loud beep whenever somebody tells a lie.
The son comes home in the afternoon. Father asks him, "So, you were at school today, right?"
Son: "Yeah."
Detector:
"Beep."
Son: "OK, OK, I was in a cinema."
Detector: "Beep."
Son: "Alright, I went for a beer with my friends."
Father:
"What?! At your age, I wouldn't touch alcohol!"
Detector: "Beep."
Mother laughs: "Ha ha ha, well, he really is your son!"
Detector:
"Beep."


 Categories :   Lie





Joke about diarrhea, sneezing short


What is dangerous?
Sneezing while having diarrhea!


 Categories :   Diarrhea Sneezing Short





Joke about children black


I really don't know which kid I'm supposedly being unfair to, according to my wife, Thomas,
John, or the fat, ugly one?


 Categories :   Children Black





Joke about parents short


- Daddy what is a transvestite?
- Ask Mommy, he knows.


 Categories :   Parents Short





Joke about grandpa and insurance


- Grandpa, why don't you have any life insurance?
- So you can all be really sad when I die.


 Categories :   Grandpa Insurance







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