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Humor


Jokes : 952 

A-Z Index  
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Joke about scale


A woman caught her husband on the weight scale, sucking in his stomach.
"That won't help you, Joe, you know?"
"Oh it helps a lot," says the man, "it's the only way I can see the numbers!"


 Categories :   Scale





Joke about hair


Today I found my first grey pubic hair. I got really excited, but not as
much as the other people in the lift.


 Categories :   Hair





Funny picture about cat


Funny picture  about cat


 Categories :   Cat





Joke about chocolate and sex


Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex:
- You can GET chocolate.
- Chocolate satisfies even when it's gone soft.
- You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
- You can have chocolate in in public.
- If you bite the nuts, the chocolate won't mind.
- The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
- You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
- No need to fake your enjoyment of chocolate.
- Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
- You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
- You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
- Size doesn't matter -- though more is still better.


 Categories :   Chocolate Sex





Joke about dentists


Dentist: "This will hurt a little."
Patient: "OK."
Dentist: "I've been having an affair with your wife for a while now."


 Categories :   Dentists





Quote about money


Yes, money cannot buy you happiness, but I'd still feel a lot more comfortable crying
in a new BMW than on a bike.


 Categories :   Money





Funny picture about police and crocodile


Funny picture  about police and crocodile


 Categories :   Police Crocodile





Joke about husband, wife black


Wife arrives home late at night from a business trip and quietly opens the door to her
bedroom. But she notices four legs instead of two peeking from under the blanket!
Seized by a fit of rage, she reaches for the baseball bat and starts
hitting the blanket until the screaming stops.
Still in shock, she lurches to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
"Oh welcome home darling," he says, "your parents came
for a visit, so I let them have our bedroom. I hope you said hello."


 Categories :   Husband and wife Black





Funny picture about dog


Funny picture  about dog


 Categories :   Dog





Joke about death black


A man and his ever nagging wife were on holiday in Jerusalem, when the wife suddenly died.
The funeral company told the man that it would cost 45000 to ship her home or $500 to bury her in Jerusalem.
The husband said "ship her home".
Shocked, the undertaker asked "but sir, why don't you bury her in the Holy Land and save the money?"
The husband replied "a long time ago, a man was buried here and 3 days later, he rose from the dead... I cant take the chance!"


 Categories :   Death Black





Joke about blonde short


How did the blonde try to kill the bird??
She threw it off a cliff.


 Categories :   Blonde Short





Funny picture about halloween


Funny picture  about halloween


 Categories :   Halloween





Funny picture about cat


Funny picture  about cat


 Categories :   Cat





Joke about doctor


A man with pain on his right knee consulted his doctor.
Doctor said: "It is nothing to worry about. It is due to old age."
Patient: "The left knee is of the same age. But how is it that leg does not pain?"


 Categories :   Doctor





Joke about bar


A man goes into a pub and says, "I'd like something tall, icy and full of gin."
The barman turns and shouts into the kitchen, "Oi, Doris!
Someone to see you!"


 Categories :   Bar





Joke about spinach, anal sex vulgar


What do spinach and anal sex have in common?
If you're forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.


 Categories :   Spinach Anal Sex Vulgar





Joke about school, chemistry and teacher


Teacher: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
Donald: H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O.
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Donald: Yesterday you said it was H to O.


 Categories :   School Chemistry Teacher





Joke about curse and wizard


A man goes to see a wizard and says "can you lift a curse that was put on me years ago?"
"Maybe," says the wizard, "if you can remember the exact words of the curse?"
The man replies without hesitation "I pronounce you man and wife..."


 Categories :   Curse Wizard





Joke about condoms short


I use camouflage condoms so they cant see me coming.


 Categories :   Condoms Short





Joke about rabbit, wordplay short


Why did the rabbits go on strike?
They wanted a better celery.


 Categories :   Rabbit Wordplay Short





Joke about lawyer


- How can you tell that an attorney is about to lie?
- His lips begin to move.


 Categories :   Lawyer





Story about police


A man in his mid forties bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive.
The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to see what the engine had.
As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.
"There's no way they can catch a BMW," he thought to himself and opened her up further.
The needle hit 90, then 100, and finally reality hit him and he knew he shouldn't run from the police, so he slowed down and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car.
"It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th.
I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."
The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop.
I was afraid you were trying to give her back."
"Have a nice weekend," said the officer and he walked away.


 Categories :   Police





Joke about tattoo


I always look for a woman who has a tattoo.
I see a woman with a tattoo, and I'm thinking, okay, here's a gal who's capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future.


 Categories :   Tattoo





Funny picture about flower


Funny picture  about flower


 Categories :   Flower





Funny picture about knife


Funny picture  about knife


 Categories :   Knife







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