Black jokes

One step forward, 12 floors down.

There were these two guys working late in a morgue, when one guy said, "Hey man there is a woman in there with a shrimp in her vagina!"
The other asked, "What is a shrimp doing a dead woman's vagina? Let me go see."
Both of them went in the room with the woman, and they both curiously looked.
Finally, the second man said, "You idiot, this ain't no shrimp it's a clitoris."
And the other man replied, "Well, it tasted like shrimp to me."

What did the cannibal say when he came home and found his wife chopping up a python and a pygmy?
Oh no, not snake and pygmy pie again!

A blonde biology student conducts an experiment on grasshoppers.
She pulls off one of its legs at a time and yells, "Hop."
The grasshopper hops each time until all of its legs are gone.
The blonde concludes: when all the legs of a grasshopper are removed, it becomes deaf.

You don't need a parachute to go skydiving.
You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

A few days after her husband's death, a grieving widow accidentally receives an e-mail from a man waiting for his wife in Miami.
The e-mail reads:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in.
Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.

A guy is late to meet with his friends at the local bar the friends obviously ask why he is late and he responds:
"Wow, you won't believe what just happened. So I take the usual route via the rail tracks and suddenly I see a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks."
The friends are curious and ask: "Well, what happened next?"
The guy says: "Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her."
The friends are cheering and one friend asks: "Soo... did you get any head?"
The guy says: "No, I couldn't find it..."

A rabbit went to the fortune-teller, "what do you see in my future?" asked the rabbit.
"Very soon," replied the fortune-teller, "you will meet a pretty young girl who will want to know everything about you."
"That's great!" said the rabbit, hopping up and down.
"But when will I meet her?"
"Next week in science class," said the fortune-teller.

How is an apple like a lawyer?
They both look good hanging from a tree.

What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?
A Hot Cross bunny.

2 cannibals having dinner.
1st says to 2nd, "Your wife makes a lovely stew."
2nd answers, "Yes but I will miss her."

Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

I can't think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they're dead.

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.
Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."
"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her f:::cking appendix out!"

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says, "F:::ck off, you won't bring it back."

Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: Wiped his ass.

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

A guy is screwing a great looking blonde. The girl asks, "You haven't got AIDS have you?" He replies, "No." She responds, "Oh, thank heavens for that!! I don't want to get that again...!"